STEP #3. Taking Care of Yourself aka What to do in No Contact

This is the part where most people screw up. No contact will be of no use unless you try to make a positive change in your life during this time. If you just want to stay at home and just be miserable for the next one month, things are not going to change even after no contact period. Yes, you need to grieve after a breakup and yes, there’s some benefit in spending some time alone, grieving and analyzing your relationship. But, at one point you have to go out there and do something with your life.

Positive Changes In Your Appearance

Making a positive change in your physical appearance is going to give you a fresh look. You are going to feel new and you are going to feel better. And when your ex sees you after the no contact period, they are going to see a new you. Here are a few things you can do.

• Get a haircut. Just go to a hairstylists and find out what is in fashion these days.
• Get your teeth cleaned. A beautiful smile is very attractive.
• Get in the best shape of your life. Go to the gym and sweat it out. This is also great for your mental health as working out releases endorphins which make you happy.
• Get new clothes. They will definitely make you feel better about yourself.

Whatever you do, don’t do anything drastic right now. You don’t want to make any physical changes right now that you might regret for the rest of your life (like getting a tattoo of a broken heart).

Positive changes in your mentality

Being a happy and confident person is probably the most important thing when it comes to getting your ex back. You need to realize that happiness and confidence is something that you can get by working on yourself.  Here are a few ideas that will help you gain more confidence and become a happier person.

Instead of sitting at home eating ice cream and watching TV, go out and do something to make yourself feel better.

1. Give yourself some time to grieve. I know how hard it is to be happy after a breakup. I remember I was a complete mess for at least two weeks. I didn’t sleep properly, didn’t eat properly, and I was just thinking about my ex girlfriend all day. In a way, this period is necessary for you. You give yourself some time to grieve everyday. If you want to feel sad and sorry for yourself, go ahead and do it. But make sure you also do something everyday to make yourself feel good about yourself.

2. Write in a journal. Write your thoughts and your feelings down. Writing is therapeutic and it’s probably going to help you release all those emotions from inside.

3. Go out with friends. Spend time with your loved ones. Your friends and family are the people who are always there for you and who always love to spend time with you. Go out and have a good time with them.

4. Do some meditation. Be aware of yourself. Know your weaknesses and strengths. Be proud of yourself. Accept yourself for who you are. That’s what confidence is all about. Neediness (which is very unattractive) comes from doubts within yourself. Whereas confidence comes from awareness and accepting yourself.

5. Go out on a date. This is absolutely essential and if you are reading this, then I will recommend that you definitely go out on a few dates before ending no contact with your ex. It’s absolutely imperative for you to get some perspective right now and meeting new people is the best way to do it.

Analyzing Your Relationship

You have to ask yourself this question, why do you want to get back with your ex? If you answered something like

I love him/her.

I can’t live without him/her.

I am miserable without my ex.

He/She was the only one for me.

I can’t imagine a life without my ex.

Then you are still suffering from post-breakup denial and bargaining. Denial and bargaining are two of the many stages of grief after breakup. And it’s extremely common for everyone to want to get their ex back after a breakup. However, it’s not always the right choice.

For example, even if your relationship with your ex was abusive, you might want to rekindle it just because you are missing. Our mind often confuses the act of missing someone with “love”. It’s normal to miss someone after you’ve been with them for a long time. But it doesn’t necessarily mean you still love them.

Look at it like this, every relationship has problems, fights, and disagreements. But if you two broke up, then there was something very wrong with your relationship. You need to analyze what went wrong and realize whether or not it’s a good idea to get back together.

Are you sure your ex didn’t have any cons?

If you think with your heart, you will just hear that you love your ex and you want them back. Instead, try to think with your mind. Be logical. Analyze the pros and cons of your relationship. Analyze the pros and cons of your ex. Analyze what your goals in life are and whether or not the relationship with your ex aligns with those goals.

Is There Ever a Good Reason To Get Your Ex Back?

Why would anyone want to get their ex back? Why would you want to take back someone who walked out on you? Why would you want to start a relationship that already ran its course? Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?

These are all legitimate questions that some people have about reconciliation. But not those who do want to get their ex back. They have a very simple answer to all these questions. And their answer is “I am still love my ex”. And as we all know, according to the media and the film industry, love is the only thing that matters in this world.

Now, I am not against reconciliation. In fact, this entire website is on how to win your ex back. But I am against the idea of putting your ex before your happiness. The only reason to get back together is if you want to give the relationship another try and not because you need your ex.

Cupid doesn’t always have your best interest at heart.

The fact that you love your ex, you miss your ex, or that you are miserable without your ex is never a good reason to get back together. Your mind will trick you into thinking anything just to avoid the pain of breakup. So, I won’t believe anything that your mind that tells you after the breakup.

Here are a few reasons that your mind will give you (and you will try to give to your friends and family), which are not really a good reason for reconciliation.

• I love him/her
• I can’t live without him/her
• I can never find someone like him/her
• He/She was my soulmate
• He/She was the one
• No one can ______ (insert some activity) like he/she used to do.
• He/She made me happy (the most ridiculous reason. If they did make you happy, why are you so miserable now)
• I am miserable without him/her.
• I can’t imagine a life without him/her.

There could be many other variations of the above. You know it’s not a solid reason if you can see a desperation or neediness in it.

Now that being said, there could be many reasons for trying it again. I know a lot of cases where couples got back together and went on to live a happy life. I get emails from my readers that they got back together and are getting married in a few days. I get emails from readers that they got back together and they have never been happier. I get emails saying that they got back together two years ago and there relationship is getting stronger ever since.

Of course, those are not the only emails I get. I also get emails from readers saying that they got back together only to break up again. And if I have to guess, I’d say the reason they decide to get back together was one of the above.

And it’s not just my personal experience. There are cases all over the Internet of people getting back together and staying in a happy relationship after that. Let’s look at some reasons where it would be a good idea to get back together.

1. The breakup was a rash decision

Sometimes, people break up because of ego. Sometimes people give up on a great relationship too easily instead of working on it. These types of breakups are usually a rash decision and not really thought out. Someone says something, and his or her partner over reacts and leaves him or her.

2. You Had a Great Relationship

Now you have to understand I am not talking about the Honeymoon stage of the relationship. You know the time where everything about your partner seems perfect and you never fight and you just can’t get over how amazing they are.

No, that does not define a great relationship. That’s just an average relationship with an average honeymoon period. A great relationship is based on honesty, respect, trust and communication. How would you rate your relationship on these four factors? If you think it was great in all four areas, then you can go ahead and say that your relationship with your ex was great. And I sincerely wish you the best in winning your ex back.

3. You have a child together.

A divorce or a separation can be really hard on a child. If there is a chance of getting back together and giving your relationship another chance, then you should do it. It’s worth a try. However, if you were in an abusive or toxic relationship, then separation is much better than being together. Nothing is worse for a child than to grow up in a toxic environment.

4. Circumstantial Breakup

A lot of times, people breakup simply because of circumstances. Maybe one of you had to go to another city for college or business and you didn’t want to try long distance. Sometimes, you wanted to try long distance but it didn’t work so you had to break up. If such is the case, then it is worth a try to get back together provided the circumstances have changed.

5. Your Friends And Family Think It’s a Good Idea To Get Back Together

In most cases, your friends and family will tell you to just move on and forget about your ex. I wouldn’t say they are always right in doing so. However, if they tell you that you should try getting back together with your ex, then it means that the relationship with your ex is probably worth saving. Your friends know you better than anyone else and if they think that your ex is worth giving it another try, then it won’t hurt to try reconciling.

6. You see some serious potential in the relationship

This one is little tricky because anyone who thinks they are in love will believe there is a potential in the relationship with their ex. But it’s worth putting here. If you think that you really can have a great future with your ex, then it might be worth trying to pursue them. However, make sure you don’t spend your entire life just obsessing over your ex and hoping they will take you back. You should just try to get back together once and if it didn’t work, you should move on. Sometimes, a false hope can keep you holding on to lost cause. And before you know it, you’ve spent your entire life chasing the white whale.

Using The No Contact Period

After you break up, it’s almost impossible to make a rational decision about whether or not you should get back with your ex. Your mind will definitely convince you somehow that it’s worth it. You will ignore all the problems you had and will only concentrate on the good things. You will make a montage of all the good things about your ex in your mind and play it over and over again until you are convinced they are the only one for you.

This is why the no contact rule is extremely important. When you stop all communication with your ex for at least 30 days, your mind starts thinking clear and you are in a better position to make a life changing decision. When you realize you don’t need your ex to be happy in your life, you can weigh the pros and cons of your relationship without being biased.

So before you make any decision, make sure you have gone through the no contact period for at least 30 days. And if after that, you still want to get back together, then you can go ahead with the rest of the plan.

Remember, your ex will not make you happy, only you can make yourself happy. And the only way you can do it is by realizing your purpose and your goals in life and pursuing them.

Do you really think you can have a happy and long lasting relationship with your ex?

Do you really think that the reason you broke up is no big deal?

You are making a huge decision right now. So you better make sure that it is the right one. You have 30 days to do it, so don’t rush into it. Take your time. Relax and do things that make you feel better. When you start being happy in life without your ex, you will realize whether or not getting your ex back is the right decision. And that is extremely important before you move on to the next step, which is contacting your ex.